fuck a mac….

16 03 2010

..apple or big, this shitbeats them both.

stolen from http://blog.bjernies.com/





afrikan food

9 11 2009





PISS ARTISTS

20 10 2009

Kebabs and art. whats not to like.  send in a photo if you have a kebab shop close to your heart.

tempspace

“Temporary Space – contemporary art project asks your participation! Simple, just take a photo.

Temporaryspace.org is a contemporary art project run by two Finnish artists, Jonna Johansson and Juan Kasari. Tourism, globalisation and consuming as a cultural phenomenon are the main subjects of the project.

At the moment we are doing a big photo installation, which includes several hundreds of pictures of kebab restaurants around the world. We kindly ask you to take a photo (non professional snapshot) of your local kebab place (from outside) and send it to us. All the pictures will be part of the big installation and all the participants will be mentioned on temporaryspace.org website.

Maximum size of photos 5mb.

temporaryspaceproject@gmail.com






Bhangra niche?

20 10 2009

so what feels like months ago it was Newcastle Mela. the asian answer to the hoppings? except the radgies that gan wear lethal white timbo’s along with some indian robes. Bhangra followed by some bait, whats not to like. The last time I went someone showed me a video of some asian beef that went down which involved ass wipping with belts. I was there strictly for the other kind of asian beef which is only availible in the foodcourt.

So I wandered the food area looking for who was going to get the hard earned in exchange for some fine cuisine. Lewis along with his genuine asian girlfriend helped me chose, for some reason when we got there there was a bunch a chancers flogging inflatible ballons bearing her resemblance. It was latter explained that this was a popular ethnic cartoon character known as dora the explorer, its amzing what they get up to in the colinies these days, eh? anyways back to the food, it didnt matter what the backseat eaters were saying, the main factor was the short que,  plus the chefs looked pretty old and had white beards! These boys must have been in the trade for a coons age ergo would know what was up.

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Bin o’ Spice

Turns out they did. £7 got me everything they had cooked that day in a carton and a can of coke. You cant argue with that. So they put it down like this; Naan bread basew filled with meat curry, another meat curry then a veggie curry, salad over that, sauce, a little rice on da side along with a bahji and a pakora. This wasn’t no bull shit portion either, It took some eating, I think i even had to leave some naan. wash it doon with some cola. Lovely stuff.

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To help the digestion we made dora the explora translate what was going down on stage. In between singing about woodpeckers and wacking two garden cains together the singer was calling out the bored crowd, while punjabi MC tryed to flog us his mixtape. After that I ate some kind of mango indian lolly. Lewis had a pistachio lolly, which was alright but a bit queer tasting for me. Some deepfried suger dowsed indian batter also went down.

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I forget its name  (Jallebi) but it was orange and probably sends kids wild.  Sim did a little bangra dance to celbrate, until the remainder of the Jallebi leaked in her bag, and all over her skirt. sticky crotch aint a good look for rammadan.





Kabul Fried chicken

6 05 2009

More arab money………..

kfc_03

Someones getting suied

Taken from Time magazine

A KFC to Give the Colonel Indigestion

“The Colonel was a visionary,” Mirwais says. “He was the first to envision fried chicken as a commercial food. I see myself as the Afghan Colonel Sanders.” Indeed, Mirwais’ chicken tastes, at least to the expatriate palate, remarkably similar to its American inspiration — and he’s not disclosing the source of his recipe.”

“Mirwais is not the only Afghan pretender to the Colonel Sanders mantle in Kabul. Another is Jamshed, who uses only one name, and runs one of three rival KFCs. Jamshed’s recipe for success includes more than just a secret combination of herbs and spices. Young men are drawn like flies to the music videos blasting out of his store’s open doors; the slack-jawed patrons watching Shakira, onscreen, writhing while covered alternately in mud, men, and nothing are sampling a bite-size package of Western decadence.

Jamshed spits a bit when he talks — hopefully he cooks in silence. He claims that after being told by the (real) KFC regional HQ in Lahore, Pakistan, that opening a franchise in Kabul would cost him a few hundred thousand dollars, he opted to go the pirate route. He claims to have bought the U.S.-based KFC’s secret fried chicken recipe on the black market for $1,200, although obviously that claim can’t be verified. “You can get anything at the bazaar in Pakistan,” he says. And he filched real KFC iconography off the Internet for his restaurant’s promotional materials and decorations.”





“ME NAME LOUIS AS WELL MON!”

15 04 2009

While the sweeds que out the door to pound wackdonalds this dudes smokin blunts and  selling pastys to drunks.

he didnt have any ting, just “bashment” sauce, three hands and his cutchie.he sits in his shed all night pumping out bounty killa and sizzla to fight off the swedish winds.the grape drink was appealing but there were no chicken and waffles to go with it so I setlled for the ginger ale
unfortunatly me being a baldhead pussieclot, jah is not within and the jamican fire ale wasn’t enough, so i had to reachfor the 7/11 calzone for warmth.
calzone

Go one then, Go on then

swedish 7/11 is amazing, like being transported to america, I dont even remeber what this tasted of but it was hot and sobering, god knows how much this cost.

mystery filing

mystery filling

they also had sweets named after faeces

bare lolz

bare lolz





shanghai fried chicken

12 01 2009

came across this on the animal blog

while taking a break from writing about this


coincidence? no.
Chicken Rules Everything Around Me.

which brings us to this


peeking duck pizza? what do leeks have to do with texas? all in all this pizza shop was fucked. At 2am gateshead high street aint the most welcoming place but this was something else. situated opposite the site of gateshead armory, and sharing a side ally with some pub with its side door open and presumably a gangbang going on from the noises emitting from said door, this was the only haven available apart from TOP TOP PIZZA but they looked more expensive


not only did the boss’s fucked up eye make me think of good old hook hand abu hamza himself but his homes was ranting about shit in arabic, every so often dropping in a bit of english, most notably “fuck obama” and “pig cunt bastard” I ordered chicken wings and chips for £2.60 and as soon as i sat down the boss started shouting at his mate about something. being pretty far gone i started to think of the evil rabbit from watership down and then that maybe i wasn’t getting chicken after all, id seen a fair few rabbits round 5 bridges and given the proximity to that and the fact the boss had mixy made me pretty certain i was getting rabbits feet instead. anyways i soon forgot all about that when the goods arrived


foil trays add a touch of class to an already upmarket establishment.
not only was the rabbit/chicken covered in some hot sauce, the chips weren’t dog shit, typical kebab house chips but done well, probably because i was they only customer apart from some 40 year old radgie lass dressed as a 12 year old.

track b’s and pink socks. real talk.
i think she assumed i was homeless due to the combination of waiting longer than her and well, looking like a tramp, when she got her food she put half her chips in front of me, smiled then walked off.