Bhangra niche?

20 10 2009

so what feels like months ago it was Newcastle Mela. the asian answer to the hoppings? except the radgies that gan wear lethal white timbo’s along with some indian robes. Bhangra followed by some bait, whats not to like. The last time I went someone showed me a video of some asian beef that went down which involved ass wipping with belts. I was there strictly for the other kind of asian beef which is only availible in the foodcourt.

So I wandered the food area looking for who was going to get the hard earned in exchange for some fine cuisine. Lewis along with his genuine asian girlfriend helped me chose, for some reason when we got there there was a bunch a chancers flogging inflatible ballons bearing her resemblance. It was latter explained that this was a popular ethnic cartoon character known as dora the explorer, its amzing what they get up to in the colinies these days, eh? anyways back to the food, it didnt matter what the backseat eaters were saying, the main factor was the short que,  plus the chefs looked pretty old and had white beards! These boys must have been in the trade for a coons age ergo would know what was up.

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Bin o’ Spice

Turns out they did. £7 got me everything they had cooked that day in a carton and a can of coke. You cant argue with that. So they put it down like this; Naan bread basew filled with meat curry, another meat curry then a veggie curry, salad over that, sauce, a little rice on da side along with a bahji and a pakora. This wasn’t no bull shit portion either, It took some eating, I think i even had to leave some naan. wash it doon with some cola. Lovely stuff.

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To help the digestion we made dora the explora translate what was going down on stage. In between singing about woodpeckers and wacking two garden cains together the singer was calling out the bored crowd, while punjabi MC tryed to flog us his mixtape. After that I ate some kind of mango indian lolly. Lewis had a pistachio lolly, which was alright but a bit queer tasting for me. Some deepfried suger dowsed indian batter also went down.

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I forget its name  (Jallebi) but it was orange and probably sends kids wild.  Sim did a little bangra dance to celbrate, until the remainder of the Jallebi leaked in her bag, and all over her skirt. sticky crotch aint a good look for rammadan.

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Kabul Fried chicken

6 05 2009

More arab money………..

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Someones getting suied

Taken from Time magazine

A KFC to Give the Colonel Indigestion

“The Colonel was a visionary,” Mirwais says. “He was the first to envision fried chicken as a commercial food. I see myself as the Afghan Colonel Sanders.” Indeed, Mirwais’ chicken tastes, at least to the expatriate palate, remarkably similar to its American inspiration — and he’s not disclosing the source of his recipe.”

“Mirwais is not the only Afghan pretender to the Colonel Sanders mantle in Kabul. Another is Jamshed, who uses only one name, and runs one of three rival KFCs. Jamshed’s recipe for success includes more than just a secret combination of herbs and spices. Young men are drawn like flies to the music videos blasting out of his store’s open doors; the slack-jawed patrons watching Shakira, onscreen, writhing while covered alternately in mud, men, and nothing are sampling a bite-size package of Western decadence.

Jamshed spits a bit when he talks — hopefully he cooks in silence. He claims that after being told by the (real) KFC regional HQ in Lahore, Pakistan, that opening a franchise in Kabul would cost him a few hundred thousand dollars, he opted to go the pirate route. He claims to have bought the U.S.-based KFC’s secret fried chicken recipe on the black market for $1,200, although obviously that claim can’t be verified. “You can get anything at the bazaar in Pakistan,” he says. And he filched real KFC iconography off the Internet for his restaurant’s promotional materials and decorations.”





“I WANT TO EAT YOUR CHILDREN”

5 05 2009

Mike Tyson is a fucking beast, Up until he fired Kevin Rooney in 1988, his ONLY diet was steak, pasta and fruit juice, twice a day with some oat meal for breakfast.

His punchout game for the NES was the best waste of an afternoon, playing for free in fenwicks, I could think of as a kid.  Now some crackerjacks gone a made a version of it with food as the opponents.

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Apparently it was originally intended for danone to promote healthy breakfasts, knock out the crap breakfasts and win. dunno if it worked but surely getting kids off their arses instead of playing computer games would be more effective? either way the games dope.





“ME NAME LOUIS AS WELL MON!”

15 04 2009

While the sweeds que out the door to pound wackdonalds this dudes smokin blunts and  selling pastys to drunks.

he didnt have any ting, just “bashment” sauce, three hands and his cutchie.he sits in his shed all night pumping out bounty killa and sizzla to fight off the swedish winds.the grape drink was appealing but there were no chicken and waffles to go with it so I setlled for the ginger ale
unfortunatly me being a baldhead pussieclot, jah is not within and the jamican fire ale wasn’t enough, so i had to reachfor the 7/11 calzone for warmth.
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Go one then, Go on then

swedish 7/11 is amazing, like being transported to america, I dont even remeber what this tasted of but it was hot and sobering, god knows how much this cost.

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they also had sweets named after faeces

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TIGER TIGER E3 TIGER 38 TIGER ROLLDEEP TIGER

6 04 2009

Immigration is a beautiful thing, without it newcastles cullinary scene would basicly be peas pudding and a bottle of dog. Immigrants do things differently and in my opinion normally ten times better (unfortunantly not in everyones eyes, the best graf outside the shop I bought this from stated “vote BNP – blacks stab children”, lovely).

Take energy drinks for example, the Polish Tiger energy drink looks and tastes like your stock energy drink clone, blue red and silver packaging, radioactive color ect all for half the price of your normall can of red bull (all those a4 paper planes must be hitting the swiss marketing budget hard). Its difference, and winning quality, however is exactly in the area Redbull would probably see themselves as dominant in.While they concentrate on losing f1 races, TIGER have a more subtle, direct and generally more Polish marketing program.

There only endorsment and the brands name sake is Darek “Tiger” Michalczewski, despite appearing like one of the bigg markets out of shape entry/exit technicians on the side of the can, he is infact one of Polands favorate sons, Darek “Tiger” Michalczewski, a boxer who came within one victory of tying Rocky Marciano’s all-time record for an undefeated record by a world championship boxer.
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he aint fought yet, this is just the effect of his drink

the story of Tiger is a touching one, coming from a poor family in down trodden communist Poland, surviving the only way a man knows how – by using his fists.

I cant do his increadible story justice so ill hand the job over to the only man I Know capable of doing so, Mark Wahlberg AKA MARKEY MARK.

Although these are PANTS, markey mark wouldnt be caught dead in these

Back in the mid 90’s mark was Dareks close personell friend and he felt so moved by his tale he gave up modeling underkegs and getting his man tits out to record the inspirational song “NO MERCY”

no mercy , marky mark, 1995 – who said nu rave wouldnt last?

to further stick the boot in their new look bottle has been designed by porsche (daaaaaaamn, son!) and if you watch the tv adverts on their website youll see that they whole heartedly support and expect the drink to induce rioting and sexual assault!

so who you gonna trust? a man with a record of 48 wins (38 knockouts) in 50 matches or a puff in a milkfloat?

“What up black?”
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“nuthin, just stabin some kids”