TIGER TIGER E3 TIGER 38 TIGER ROLLDEEP TIGER

6 04 2009

Immigration is a beautiful thing, without it newcastles cullinary scene would basicly be peas pudding and a bottle of dog. Immigrants do things differently and in my opinion normally ten times better (unfortunantly not in everyones eyes, the best graf outside the shop I bought this from stated “vote BNP – blacks stab children”, lovely).

Take energy drinks for example, the Polish Tiger energy drink looks and tastes like your stock energy drink clone, blue red and silver packaging, radioactive color ect all for half the price of your normall can of red bull (all those a4 paper planes must be hitting the swiss marketing budget hard). Its difference, and winning quality, however is exactly in the area Redbull would probably see themselves as dominant in.While they concentrate on losing f1 races, TIGER have a more subtle, direct and generally more Polish marketing program.

There only endorsment and the brands name sake is Darek “Tiger” Michalczewski, despite appearing like one of the bigg markets out of shape entry/exit technicians on the side of the can, he is infact one of Polands favorate sons, Darek “Tiger” Michalczewski, a boxer who came within one victory of tying Rocky Marciano’s all-time record for an undefeated record by a world championship boxer.
darek
he aint fought yet, this is just the effect of his drink

the story of Tiger is a touching one, coming from a poor family in down trodden communist Poland, surviving the only way a man knows how – by using his fists.

I cant do his increadible story justice so ill hand the job over to the only man I Know capable of doing so, Mark Wahlberg AKA MARKEY MARK.

Although these are PANTS, markey mark wouldnt be caught dead in these

Back in the mid 90’s mark was Dareks close personell friend and he felt so moved by his tale he gave up modeling underkegs and getting his man tits out to record the inspirational song “NO MERCY”

no mercy , marky mark, 1995 – who said nu rave wouldnt last?

to further stick the boot in their new look bottle has been designed by porsche (daaaaaaamn, son!) and if you watch the tv adverts on their website youll see that they whole heartedly support and expect the drink to induce rioting and sexual assault!

so who you gonna trust? a man with a record of 48 wins (38 knockouts) in 50 matches or a puff in a milkfloat?

“What up black?”
black_2

“nuthin, just stabin some kids”





High Society

2 04 2009

the eat festival is rearing is bloated, crumb adorned head for another year, while I want to hate anything culture10 and “NewcastleGateshead” endorsed, the previous incarnations have resulted in 2 thumbs up (both thumbs on one hand) for the free scran opportunities. this year seems no different although if you want the pick of the bunch you gots to drop some scrilla.

I booked tickets for this thinking it was in the get carter restaurant, turns out I didn’t read it right. your eating at the same hight as the restaurant on a dining table SUSPENDED BY A CRANE


I recommend not walking round gateshead tescos on the evening of 8th of may. I always need a shit halfway through my dinner.





shanghai fried chicken

12 01 2009

came across this on the animal blog

while taking a break from writing about this


coincidence? no.
Chicken Rules Everything Around Me.

which brings us to this


peeking duck pizza? what do leeks have to do with texas? all in all this pizza shop was fucked. At 2am gateshead high street aint the most welcoming place but this was something else. situated opposite the site of gateshead armory, and sharing a side ally with some pub with its side door open and presumably a gangbang going on from the noises emitting from said door, this was the only haven available apart from TOP TOP PIZZA but they looked more expensive


not only did the boss’s fucked up eye make me think of good old hook hand abu hamza himself but his homes was ranting about shit in arabic, every so often dropping in a bit of english, most notably “fuck obama” and “pig cunt bastard” I ordered chicken wings and chips for £2.60 and as soon as i sat down the boss started shouting at his mate about something. being pretty far gone i started to think of the evil rabbit from watership down and then that maybe i wasn’t getting chicken after all, id seen a fair few rabbits round 5 bridges and given the proximity to that and the fact the boss had mixy made me pretty certain i was getting rabbits feet instead. anyways i soon forgot all about that when the goods arrived


foil trays add a touch of class to an already upmarket establishment.
not only was the rabbit/chicken covered in some hot sauce, the chips weren’t dog shit, typical kebab house chips but done well, probably because i was they only customer apart from some 40 year old radgie lass dressed as a 12 year old.

track b’s and pink socks. real talk.
i think she assumed i was homeless due to the combination of waiting longer than her and well, looking like a tramp, when she got her food she put half her chips in front of me, smiled then walked off.