chicken tetrazini??

16 03 2010
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….look at shorty, DAAAAAAAAAAAAAM

9 11 2009

new clipse. sucking the clipse’s dick is a standard requirment of blogging.

clipse x blog x chicken = sucky sucky long time





THE SON OF SPAM

7 05 2009

this blogs been regularily increasing its vistors over the past few months,what with the notoriety casued from being banned from the bbc food site, then removed from the guardian site we must get all of 3 daily visitors. Having my blog game so tight right now has lead to the attentions of various big money offers to ghost write for international food blogs, invitations to advise celebrity food chefs, a indecent proposal from the one off of the two fat ladys that isn’t dead yet, ect, ect

two_fat_ladies1Riding Dirty?

In truth I wasnt really feeling any of them. They werent real enough, didnt match my swag. that was untill the good peopel at SPAM stepped the fuck up an headhunted me as there local rep.

spammobile

SPAM mobile, rolling on 15″s

First up I get this sweet ride to chill in outside of the student union, so far ive been a hit with the Fijin exchange students, them honeys love their tinned meat.

Secondly I get to use it as a oppertunity to promote myself all the local talent shamefully ignored by the london centric media. Ive been spending the following week hooking up locals with a van load of SPAM.Not only do they deserve the unparraled media attention and hype that only I can generate plus the  added protein of SPAM in their diet, but some of the cases have been leeking and my kitchen fucking reeks so I need shot of them quick.

tinsagimmie two of them joints

Firstly i felt it nesecarry to help out a group who I feel have been surpessed for far to long, and without whos anarchist B-Boy stylings and inapropriate political MCing have ruined bolsterd many a night in out in our fair city. I decided to hook up $OCIALIST BALLER and DA POLITIKKKAL A$$A$IN from up and coming north east crew WERKING CLA$$ HEROZZ

poshmcs1Left, $ocialist Baller, right Da Politikkal A$$a$in, sticking it to the man

I spoke to the crew asking why they thought it was appropriate to be accepting SPAM, a commericail product while having such staunch anarchist/socialist/any-protest-to-pass-the time-and-try-and-snog-a-lass-with-dreads-who-possibly-hasnt-washed-in a-month roots.

Jimmy2thumbs:  so why the fuck do a couple of crustys want to be down with SPAM?

$ocialist Baller: “well obviously your a  prasitic capatalist who has no place in our anarchist new world order, but its a widley know fact in the post-lovers-rock-proto-political-wub-step-ket-step-student-dink-step-squat-party-scene that bob marleys origional tune was called we spammin’. SPAM’s always been supportive of the plight of the global ghetto, back in the 70s SPAM was often combined with smoking da reefer, hali salasi commanded all the rastarian nation to use the meat as the spam corporation had done a secret deal with the emerging african power of ethiopia, helping with free crates of the food stuff and funding a small army, beliving they would eventulay expand into a great empire. However the british government got ahold of the infomation and its illuminati sepresssed the tune untill the lyrics were changed against our bobs will. As a result we jammin‘ didnt have the same effect as a call to arms and the movment failed.”

Effects of SPAM in the dance

Da Politikkal A$$a$in: “I was always more of a ub40 fan myself, blud. theres a raaaaat inme kitchen wha’ amma gonna do. Anyway the process involved in making SPAM is earily similar to our way of producing tunes, first off they take a decent peice of sholder meat, cut it all up then mix it in with the pigs arse and some chemicals, until it no longer tastes in anyway nice, just like how we combine multiple genres and flimsy ideoligies to make our tunes sound shit, the only place where my analergy falls down is that SPAM has a infinate shelf life, where as out tunes already sound dated. ”

$ocialist Baller: “plus we heard the fijian exchange students love that shit, dem honeyz is fine, son”

I’ve also been hooking up and coming bmxers with crates of SPAM, everyone knows to keep your self energised during along day of shreading the gnar and schrapling jibs theres nothing better than half a tin of chopped pork and sodium nitrate. unfortuntly ive been struggling to find people old enough to remeber what the fuck SPAM is or even why the fuck anyone would want to eat the shite, lukily for me ive managed to hook up two international legends of the BMX community, NEV POTTS and MR PANTS.

nev-pottsNev Potts anouncing his world record attempt on channels 5’s RAD

Nev has already been down the fox claiming hes setting up a world record jump, jumping over 1000 spam tins in a row. Mr pants eager not to be out done has changed his name by deedpoll and will now be known as MR. SPAM, is reviving his critically acclaimed and universally praised “teabagging for jesus” video series and has lined up stunts include shoving a tin of SPAM up his forskin. When we suggested eatting some of it on camera he replied “I know im fucking daft and desperate for attention but im not that bad off”.

John Lilly was also contacted about representing the brand as a bridge to the younger generation but claimed he got flash backs to attempting use a empty SPAM tin as a hotcan to smoke a lump a DAZ automatic back in the 80’s and couldnt go through with it.

keep an eye on this blog for upcoming events, so far ideas include game of dodgeball using SPAM tins (SPAMball) and a Ibiza SPAM party at wiggle, its a bit like a foam party but you get to rub spammy goodnes all over a marketing students tits while wearing baleric sandles with a string vest, all to a sound track of Da Hool and the Outhere Brothers, “‘Ave it”, as the kids say.





AL BASHA GRILL HOUSE

4 05 2009

Al basha. First Arabic restaurant in Newcastle. Best arabic restaurant in Newcastle. full of natives. crazy auto-tune 170 bpm lebanise folk on the stereo. buffet review will be coming soon but first up is the take out.

this needs to be addressed as theres a lot of chi chi men talking fassi business on trustedplaces and the like saying basha takeaway aint up to scratch. I ain’t never had aproblem with it, ordered last friday night 8pm, peek time, food was in my hands in 20 minutes. the food is as good as what you get in the joint.  chicken shawarma wrap, falafel wrap and a mousakka, deliverd to your door for 12 spond. basha

Mosakaa

dsc_6210half a chicken shawarma, half falafel wrap

best turkish food this side of a berlin stoop. As “DR” johnston from the afformentioned bumberclaut website explians:

“The food made a really nice change to the typically spicy indian food, you’ll get to taste real kebabs not like the ones you get in dirty shops after going out late at night. The food is so nice and I really recommend it to people who have never tried it. I even tried another similar restaurant in Oxford however it fell short from how good Basha is. The waiters are friendly and are really proud of their origins and if you have ever visited will gladly have conversations with you. Ask ali to do you a dance from his region and he do a traditional arabic male on male dancing, rather amusing for a westerner!!”

no wonder they stackin money when the rest of newcastles on its arse. best food in town and slighly degrading entertainment for your culuturally ignortant clientel in one. heres some of the waiters practicing for the evening serivce





FRIED CHEEKIN SHOPS R.N DANJA?

22 04 2009

CHICKEN REIGNS SUPREME OVER NEARLY EVERY ONE?

rappaz are in danja, mad cholesterol in that chicken. who cares? not me, not luda and not diddy

261du01

They only place in Newcastle that served proper fried chicken has shut its doors. everywhere else is a pale, damp battered imitation.

R.I.P Desi fried chicken.

Your time was short and unappreciated by the dirty goffic mosher skins generation that now inhabit Newcastle college. With out a broken garden table on your patio you could never capitalise on the truants, boggers and dirty tabbers.

Long live Desi fried chicken,

the peoples fried chicken ,

the fried chicken of hearts.

2008-2009





TIGER TIGER E3 TIGER 38 TIGER ROLLDEEP TIGER

6 04 2009

Immigration is a beautiful thing, without it newcastles cullinary scene would basicly be peas pudding and a bottle of dog. Immigrants do things differently and in my opinion normally ten times better (unfortunantly not in everyones eyes, the best graf outside the shop I bought this from stated “vote BNP – blacks stab children”, lovely).

Take energy drinks for example, the Polish Tiger energy drink looks and tastes like your stock energy drink clone, blue red and silver packaging, radioactive color ect all for half the price of your normall can of red bull (all those a4 paper planes must be hitting the swiss marketing budget hard). Its difference, and winning quality, however is exactly in the area Redbull would probably see themselves as dominant in.While they concentrate on losing f1 races, TIGER have a more subtle, direct and generally more Polish marketing program.

There only endorsment and the brands name sake is Darek “Tiger” Michalczewski, despite appearing like one of the bigg markets out of shape entry/exit technicians on the side of the can, he is infact one of Polands favorate sons, Darek “Tiger” Michalczewski, a boxer who came within one victory of tying Rocky Marciano’s all-time record for an undefeated record by a world championship boxer.
darek
he aint fought yet, this is just the effect of his drink

the story of Tiger is a touching one, coming from a poor family in down trodden communist Poland, surviving the only way a man knows how – by using his fists.

I cant do his increadible story justice so ill hand the job over to the only man I Know capable of doing so, Mark Wahlberg AKA MARKEY MARK.

Although these are PANTS, markey mark wouldnt be caught dead in these

Back in the mid 90’s mark was Dareks close personell friend and he felt so moved by his tale he gave up modeling underkegs and getting his man tits out to record the inspirational song “NO MERCY”

no mercy , marky mark, 1995 – who said nu rave wouldnt last?

to further stick the boot in their new look bottle has been designed by porsche (daaaaaaamn, son!) and if you watch the tv adverts on their website youll see that they whole heartedly support and expect the drink to induce rioting and sexual assault!

so who you gonna trust? a man with a record of 48 wins (38 knockouts) in 50 matches or a puff in a milkfloat?

“What up black?”
black_2

“nuthin, just stabin some kids”





shanghai fried chicken

12 01 2009

came across this on the animal blog

while taking a break from writing about this


coincidence? no.
Chicken Rules Everything Around Me.

which brings us to this


peeking duck pizza? what do leeks have to do with texas? all in all this pizza shop was fucked. At 2am gateshead high street aint the most welcoming place but this was something else. situated opposite the site of gateshead armory, and sharing a side ally with some pub with its side door open and presumably a gangbang going on from the noises emitting from said door, this was the only haven available apart from TOP TOP PIZZA but they looked more expensive


not only did the boss’s fucked up eye make me think of good old hook hand abu hamza himself but his homes was ranting about shit in arabic, every so often dropping in a bit of english, most notably “fuck obama” and “pig cunt bastard” I ordered chicken wings and chips for £2.60 and as soon as i sat down the boss started shouting at his mate about something. being pretty far gone i started to think of the evil rabbit from watership down and then that maybe i wasn’t getting chicken after all, id seen a fair few rabbits round 5 bridges and given the proximity to that and the fact the boss had mixy made me pretty certain i was getting rabbits feet instead. anyways i soon forgot all about that when the goods arrived


foil trays add a touch of class to an already upmarket establishment.
not only was the rabbit/chicken covered in some hot sauce, the chips weren’t dog shit, typical kebab house chips but done well, probably because i was they only customer apart from some 40 year old radgie lass dressed as a 12 year old.

track b’s and pink socks. real talk.
i think she assumed i was homeless due to the combination of waiting longer than her and well, looking like a tramp, when she got her food she put half her chips in front of me, smiled then walked off.