best slice in Newcastle

27 10 2008

I hereby declare that the Nipoti slice is the finest pizza slice available in the whole of Newcastle. I’ve spent a lot of time searching for the ultimate slice. It just seems that England isn’t down with the fat Slice lifestyle. Why would anyone in their right mind think that anyone would want a frozen pizza from Iceland which was cooked yesterday and has spent the evening on a hot plate from monument food court? That shit is 100% whack and it isn’t even cheap either. I can condone cheap and shit but shit and expensive? There should be a law against it. Whats so complicated about selling by the slice? Every other country in the world seems to excel at it except this one. Licence to print money, slice shop on Chilli road. Pizza hut and Manhatten’s would shit a brick.

A good slice should be cheap, ideally a single coin, so we’ll say a quid. It should be in your hand within 4 minutes at most, and that’s including time in line and ordering. Served by someone with a genuine Italian bloodline. The cheese has got to be 100% mozzarella, this shits £45 a box.. If your buying a bigg market (munchies, get stuffed, etc.) drunkards pizzas then I’ll put the bairns shoe money on you not getting 100%. you’ll be lucky if your on 70/30. You’ll probably be on 50/50 at best. The rest of this cheese ratio being made up of non specific cheddars and analogue. I’m not even sure if analogue is even a food? It probably has more in common with plastic than cheese? The drunks in the bigg market have killed the pizza industry over here. Its too easy to pass out garbage and rake in the coin. I hate these rapists with every inch of my heart, but boy do I respect them. The only thing worse than the drunkards pizza’s is the corporate pizza. Pizza hut, pappa john, domino etc. you are all money hungry rapist motherfuckers. How have these people brainwashed people into believing that any kind of takeaway pizza should cost more than a restaurant pizza? NHS discount these crooks.

The Nipoti slice isn’t just the best of a bad bunch though, it genuinely is a good slice. £1.50 for a double slice of a corner of a square pizza. Its not £1 but this is Jesmond at least the shits got meat on it too. Genuine meat as well no cracker ass pepperami around here. Its not really round either? but alot of the dopest places in italy cook pizza squre like a metre square. then they slice that shit up and fold it in half. legit. Nipoti whack that slice in the oven for a hot minute a la sals famous (that technique is unheard of in england) and then BAM its in a brown bag on a paper plate and your out the door. Eat on the curb. ride into the sunset.