King chicken

China town is the by far best place in ncl to hangout. In the words of the Italian “you don’t go out for a meal in china town, you just hangout and eat inbetween”

china town express has the triad endorsement, nudo the natives approval and countless banquets for the high rollers, and now it has KING CHICKEN.

This place is seriously on some next level shit as far as fried chicken goes.

The Italian took the 5 chicken wing deal which prompted the greatest question I have ever heard from the lass behind the till “are you sure you want the Peri peri sauce? were hotter than nandos, alot hotter” not only is this establishment got more class than any other chicken joint in NCL it activly calls out it’s competitors. Street.

I got the stock wings meal, and when it came we got our second surprise, the goods were layed out like the chef was some micheiln starred G. The till lass wernt lying, the peri peri was hotter than a motherfucker, and the wings had some decent meat on them for a change.

The Mayonaise was that weird thin euro stuuf that looks like tippex which is dope, the only downside is the flatscreen pumping out constant linkin park videos , but we told them what was up with the feedback card they gave us so next time you go in you should hear nothing but shoalins finest.

King chicken is easyly the best city center chicken joint/indoor stoop, it elevates fried chicken to a new level giving it the respect it deserves, plus next door is the new Chinese ket and cup noodle shop for afters.

4.5 out of 5

Bhangra niche?

so what feels like months ago it was Newcastle Mela. the asian answer to the hoppings? except the radgies that gan wear lethal white timbo’s along with some indian robes. Bhangra followed by some bait, whats not to like. The last time I went someone showed me a video of some asian beef that went down which involved ass wipping with belts. I was there strictly for the other kind of asian beef which is only availible in the foodcourt.

So I wandered the food area looking for who was going to get the hard earned in exchange for some fine cuisine. Lewis along with his genuine asian girlfriend helped me chose, for some reason when we got there there was a bunch a chancers flogging inflatible ballons bearing her resemblance. It was latter explained that this was a popular ethnic cartoon character known as dora the explorer, its amzing what they get up to in the colinies these days, eh? anyways back to the food, it didnt matter what the backseat eaters were saying, the main factor was the short que,  plus the chefs looked pretty old and had white beards! These boys must have been in the trade for a coons age ergo would know what was up.

Bin o’ Spice

Turns out they did. £7 got me everything they had cooked that day in a carton and a can of coke. You cant argue with that. So they put it down like this; Naan bread basew filled with meat curry, another meat curry then a veggie curry, salad over that, sauce, a little rice on da side along with a bahji and a pakora. This wasn’t no bull shit portion either, It took some eating, I think i even had to leave some naan. wash it doon with some cola. Lovely stuff.

To help the digestion we made dora the explora translate what was going down on stage. In between singing about woodpeckers and wacking two garden cains together the singer was calling out the bored crowd, while punjabi MC tryed to flog us his mixtape. After that I ate some kind of mango indian lolly. Lewis had a pistachio lolly, which was alright but a bit queer tasting for me. Some deepfried suger dowsed indian batter also went down.

I forget its name  (Jallebi) but it was orange and probably sends kids wild.  Sim did a little bangra dance to celbrate, until the remainder of the Jallebi leaked in her bag, and all over her skirt. sticky crotch aint a good look for rammadan.

THE LATE SHOWS, NEWCASTLE

the late shows are on again tonight, went down to the preview around the ouseburn last night for the free wine, there’s some good paintings in the mushroom works based on marmite which I got some photos of but cant get off the fucking iphone, shit definatly aint the future. the full line up of events is here. Theres a lot based around the current art world flavor of the month which is food art. Mainly this involves writing something delicate on a cupcake or some other twee rubbish, but the workplace gallery in gateshead has some specially grown fungus sculpture by jo coup, who’s previous work enough rope included a mound of rotting fruit used to power small band saws that slowly cut through the sculptures table.

 

the pick of the night however has to be at the laing gallerry, not only do you get to look round he always dope taylor wessing photographic portrait prize with free booze, but as the publicity crap states:

Don’t miss this edgy performance by artist Sophie Beresford, whose work is inspired by North East youth culture. Her

unique performance, using Spanish Makina techno music, will be filmed and then screened throughout the evening.

ive managed to secure a unique preview of the work here for your pleasure. check it out and make sure you hit up all the gallerys, free booze art crackerjacks and they even put on a bus to cart you from one joint to the next! 

 

AL BASHA GRILL HOUSE

Al basha. First Arabic restaurant in Newcastle. Best arabic restaurant in Newcastle. full of natives. crazy auto-tune 170 bpm lebanise folk on the stereo. buffet review will be coming soon but first up is the take out.

this needs to be addressed as theres a lot of chi chi men talking fassi business on trustedplaces and the like saying basha takeaway aint up to scratch. I ain’t never had aproblem with it, ordered last friday night 8pm, peek time, food was in my hands in 20 minutes. the food is as good as what you get in the joint.  chicken shawarma wrap, falafel wrap and a mousakka, deliverd to your door for 12 spond.

Mosakaa

half a chicken shawarma, half falafel wrap

best turkish food this side of a berlin stoop. As “DR” johnston from the afformentioned bumberclaut website explians:

“The food made a really nice change to the typically spicy indian food, you’ll get to taste real kebabs not like the ones you get in dirty shops after going out late at night. The food is so nice and I really recommend it to people who have never tried it. I even tried another similar restaurant in Oxford however it fell short from how good Basha is. The waiters are friendly and are really proud of their origins and if you have ever visited will gladly have conversations with you. Ask ali to do you a dance from his region and he do a traditional arabic male on male dancing, rather amusing for a westerner!!”

no wonder they stackin money when the rest of newcastles on its arse. best food in town and slighly degrading entertainment for your culuturally ignortant clientel in one. heres some of the waiters practicing for the evening serivce

kebabish, thrill of the grill, newcastle

I WANNA CHEEEKEN. aWHOLE one. £ 3.99 a pop and that shit is amazing. full baby chicken chopped up and grilled up. the kebab is one of the finest youll find in newcastle. i dont lie to you, my friend. meat is grilled up. naan cooked in front of ya. mad salad. mad sauce. come in tin foil. HUGE. legit. when we were in on the annual  christmas eve eve chicken night we watched an awesome asian mtv video. bloke in a george bush mask with a huge paper mache hand?

best slice in Newcastle

I hereby declare that the Nipoti slice is the finest pizza slice available in the whole of Newcastle. I’ve spent a lot of time searching for the ultimate slice. It just seems that England isn’t down with the fat Slice lifestyle. Why would anyone in their right mind think that anyone would want a frozen pizza from Iceland which was cooked yesterday and has spent the evening on a hot plate from monument food court? That shit is 100% whack and it isn’t even cheap either. I can condone cheap and shit but shit and expensive? There should be a law against it. Whats so complicated about selling by the slice? Every other country in the world seems to excel at it except this one. Licence to print money, slice shop on Chilli road. Pizza hut and Manhatten’s would shit a brick.

A good slice should be cheap, ideally a single coin, so we’ll say a quid. It should be in your hand within 4 minutes at most, and that’s including time in line and ordering. Served by someone with a genuine Italian bloodline. The cheese has got to be 100% mozzarella, this shits £45 a box.. If your buying a bigg market (munchies, get stuffed, etc.) drunkards pizzas then I’ll put the bairns shoe money on you not getting 100%. you’ll be lucky if your on 70/30. You’ll probably be on 50/50 at best. The rest of this cheese ratio being made up of non specific cheddars and analogue. I’m not even sure if analogue is even a food? It probably has more in common with plastic than cheese? The drunks in the bigg market have killed the pizza industry over here. Its too easy to pass out garbage and rake in the coin. I hate these rapists with every inch of my heart, but boy do I respect them. The only thing worse than the drunkards pizza’s is the corporate pizza. Pizza hut, pappa john, domino etc. you are all money hungry rapist motherfuckers. How have these people brainwashed people into believing that any kind of takeaway pizza should cost more than a restaurant pizza? NHS discount these crooks.

The Nipoti slice isn’t just the best of a bad bunch though, it genuinely is a good slice. £1.50 for a double slice of a corner of a square pizza. Its not £1 but this is Jesmond at least the shits got meat on it too. Genuine meat as well no cracker ass pepperami around here. Its not really round either? but alot of the dopest places in italy cook pizza squre like a metre square. then they slice that shit up and fold it in half. legit. Nipoti whack that slice in the oven for a hot minute a la sals famous (that technique is unheard of in england) and then BAM its in a brown bag on a paper plate and your out the door. Eat on the curb. ride into the sunset.